Writing and Pizza -- It's Like I'm in College Again (Sort of)

As a public service announcement, I thought I should let you all know that you should not annoy me when I am in the middle of putting on/attending a writing conference. And that's because when I am at a writing conference, I am euphoric. Euphoric, people. Please don't take that away from me.

Case in point:

I had about an hour for dinner before I needed to return to the conference. So I called the hubby and told him I would pick up a quick Little Caesar's pizza, giving me approximately 45 minutes to spend at  home for the day. Easy enough, right?

Wrong.

As a general rule of thumb, if you are going to order $94.64-dollars-worth of pizza, DON'T USE THE DRIVE-THRU. Also, be sure to have a credit card handy and not a check. Secondly, Little Caesar's, get my order right the first time. I mean, how hard is it to put the wrong pizza back and take out the right pizza? Isn't that the very definition of hot-and-ready? Hmm?

But then, then I handed the girl a twenty to pay for my $8.58 pizza. She yelled out to the universe, "Can someone get me some change?" Apparently, the universe was not interested in getting her some change. So I frantically dug through my ash tray and scrounged together the fifty-eight cents. I handed it to her and said, "Now you can just give me back $12.00." I probably should have just told her to sign over a promissory note for her first-born child, because she still wouldn't have known what I was saying. She took the change, looked at me, looked at her hand, and proceeded to count the change THREE times. It could have been that my combination of coins threw her off, as it wasn't two quarters, a nickel, and three pennies. It was still .58 cents all the same. "Just give me back $12.00," I repeated. She then takes out a calculator and does some kind of calculus-type equation to figure out how much change I am owed. She handed me $12.01. And I still had to ask for my pizza.

Needless to say, I had 15 minutes for dinner with my family.

The conference, however has been lovely so far. Louise Plummer is my new best friend. Ann Cannon is a delight. Those of us on the planning committee have been working for nearly a year, and it has been such fun to see it all come to fruition. But above all, it has been motivating. I am motivated to write.

And all is well in the world.

Dog Etiquette, According to ME!

This morning I was outside watering the flowers when a couple of ladies, each out for a walk, crossed paths with each other. The first lady was walking her dog and the second lady was pushing her baby in a stroller. They chatted for a moment and the dog lady asked the other lady how old her baby was. The second lady told her she was a year old. The little dog jumped up and leaned its paws against the front of the stroller to get a better look at the baby.

The dog lady gushed on and on. "Oh, how cute is that? I can't decide which one is cuter!"

Hold the phone. She couldn't decide which one was cuter -- the dog or the baby. Might I just tell you, the correct answer is the kid. The kid is ALWAYS cuter than the dog. I don't care if the kid looks like he or she just arrived here from Jupiter, the kid is ALWAYS cuter. I don't care if your living room is wallpapered with Basset Hounds frolikcing in a field, the kid is ALWAYS cuter. I don't care if you have ever pushed a puppy in a stroller, the kid is ALWAYS cuter.

Got it?

Common sense, PEOPLE!

Time For Some Uncommon Sense

As I sit here inhaling a cupful of leftover conversation hearts, I'm thinking about food. I love it. My penchant for donuts is no secret. But I did have a green smoothie for breakfast and an avocado sandwich for lunch. So here goes nothing.

An Open Letter to California:

Dear California,

I love your beaches. I love your sunshine. Disneyland? Fuhgeddaboudit. But I think all that sunshine has burned your brains.

A woman is suing McDonalds because she's tired of them "getting into her kids' heads." Really?!? You're the parent. It's in your job description to say "no." I do it all the time. Sometimes it's even fun. Try it. You might like it.

San Francisco went so far as to pass a measure banning toys from Happy Meals. So now it's just a meal, but still a meal nonetheless. Again, to quote Nancy Reagan, "just say no." I've got a suggestion for all Bay Area McDonalds franchises: Put a one dollar bill in all your happy meals. It's certainly not a toy, and I bet you'll sell more happy meals than ever.

Another Californian is suing Taco Bell because their meat isn't all meat (some of it is oats). Wha???? Is this REALLY a surprise to any of us? And by the way, have you HAD a Taco Bell Grande? It's delicious.

Still, another woman is suing Nutella for not being healthy. It's a JAR of CHOCOLATE. And mighty tasty, I might add. Newsflash: if you want to have something healthy, DON'T EAT NUTELLA. Try a celery stick for crying out loud. When I was a kid, the only time we got Nutella was when a relative would bring it with them from Holland. When it became widely available in the U.S., I danced in the aisle.

So in conclusion my West Coast Friends, get out of the sun for a while. Relax. I'm a little worried about you. I hear eating chocolate is a great way to relieve stress.

Sincerely,
Cindy



Is it just me?