I Am a Grumpy Old Man

My dear friend Martha e-mailed me the other day and said she is entering her curmudgeon years. She is taking the anti-drug slogan from our childhood and just saying "no" to anyone in her path. I think it has less to do with being a curmudgeon and more to do with being a bit wiser than we were twenty years ago.

I, on the other hand, am a grumpy old man. I have a sick kid - sick without answers - and it is making me grumpy. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make him all better. Instead, I boil beneath the surface when the doctor says everything is normal. You can take one look at him and see that he is most definitely NOT normal.

Also, the wind has been howling since last night and I want to howl right back. Instead, I stare out the window with a hot cup of tea and mourn the loss of each red leaf as it shakes and then falls from the pear tree out front. Everyone keeps talking about this beautiful fall weather we're having. If you have to wear socks, the weather ain't beautiful.

I think I am going to take a cue from Martha and just say "no." No to winter. No to sickness. No to doctors.

Hawaii, anyone?

My New Job... One Day

So if I haven't mentioned it before, I kind of have a thing for sea turtles (and giant tortoises). Crush and Squirt from "Finding Nemo" always do my heart good. When I was in Hawaii last week, I finally got to see some sea turtles up close and personal. I'm pretty sure I took well over 60 pictures of the first one I saw, swimming in a shallow lagoon. And delusional as this may sound, I was really tempted to jump on its back and go surfing... you know... like riding a unicorn over a rainbow.

Fortunately, I had my zoom lens, because the problem was (besides being physically impossible) that there were two women on the beach whose sole purpose in being there was to keep people a minimum of 6 feet away from the sea turtle. They were very official looking with their matching rash guards and lanyards. If you've ever seen an episode of "Arrested Development," they were kind of like the prison guards who yell, "NO TOUCHING!" every time  Michael Bluth tries to hug his dad.

And then it dawned on me. THIS is my dream job: to be a sea turtle body guard. I'm sure it pays slightly less than I'm making now, which is almost zero, and I realize that the cost of living in Hawaii is quite high compared to the main land. So I've got some numbers to crunch. But can you imagine the fun I could have, yelling at tourists to stay back? I've taught kindergarten, and tourists are kind of like kindergarteners, so I've got experience.  I'm thinking I'd need to get some dark shades and an ear piece.

I'll tell you one thing, those sea turtles would be safe with me. They'd know I've got their backs. And if I'm lucky, just maybe, one of them will give me a ride on his back.

Let Them Be Little

Ah, summer. Sunshine, shorts, watermelon, and ceiling fans. I am a lover of all things summer. Even my birthday falls in the summer - how depressing to have a winter birthday! One of the best things about summer is the road trip. We took one last week, to St. George, UT. It's down in the corner of the state, full of heat, red rocks, and beautiful golf courses. We took advantage of all of them.

I know I've mentioned that I try to feed my kids healthy things. Except on road trips. All bets are off. Gimme a greasy burger and some piping hot fries and I am one happy road tripper. So you can imagine I was a little disheartened at the local Jack-In-the-Box, when a small sign read, "Kids' meals will no longer include a toy. Apple slices available upon request."

What the?

Jamison was even more disappointed when he opened his bag. "I thought we were in St. George, NOT San Francisco." That boy is sharp.

Please. The name of your establishment is JACK IN THE BOX. Your mascot is a toy in a suit!

Later on, I saw a sign meant to hang on a child's doorknob. It simply said, "Let them be little."

Indeed.

It's What I Do

This sign struck me as funny. It says "it is illegal to harrass fish..." I spent the next 10 minutes coming up with insults to yell at the salmon.

Your mother was a trout!
Hey fishy fishy... saa-wim fishy! Swim!
Hey, is that a bear over there? Ha ha! Made ya look!

I'm Baa...aaack

So I took a little time off to go on a cruise with my husband, in celebration of my perpetual 26th birthday. Ahem.

We went to Alaska. Just the two of us. It was spectacular. No phone calls. No kids. No responsibilities. There WAS, however, lots of unbelievable scenery, delicious food, and a helicopter ride.

If you're not the kind to get away without your kids, I highly recommend it. Not that I don't love my little brood. But when my batteries are recharged, it's so much easier to like them, too. A few years ago, there was a woman who wrote an article about how she loved her husband more than she loved her kids - and boy did that stir up a hornet's nest. Frankly, I got what she was saying. I love my kids. I do. But in not-so-many years from now, they will be grown and gone, even starting their own broods. That is what they are supposed to do. But if I haven't nurtured, defended, and protected my relationship with my spouse, then where does that leave us when the kids are gone? He's my husband, not my roommate.

So the escape was terriffic. We held hands, walked arm-in-arm along the waterfronts, kissed on a glacier, ordered lots of desserts, and generally reminded each other that despite the distractions of life, we are in love. I'm still swaying from the motion of the ship, but I like it because it's as if I'm still there. My return-to-the-school-year letter was in the mail today, but I don't care. I've got 19 days before I need to worry about it. Until then, I will be planning our next cruise!

Vacation!

Why is it so fun to find new and glorious ways to embarrass my kids? And why is it so easy?

Can you guess what he is? Why, a fossil of course!

Another reason to love America: National Parks

The original golden arch...

Are you taking a vacation this summer?

It's a Big Big World

I'm in a reflective mood today. It could be the gloomy weather and the fact that I'm just itching to go somewhere. I know, I know, I was just somewhere last week. Obviously, it wasn't enough. It's never enough for me. I love, love, love to travel. It's right up there with eating and breathing. So today I thought I'd post a few pictures of a few places I've been. As I often say, God created this big, beautiful world for us, and I intend to see as much of it as I possibly can!

Sabino Canyon in Tucson, AZ

Gold Coast, Fiji

American Fork Canyon, UT

Gallatin River, Yellowstone National Park (Montana)

You know, there really is something different around every corner. Isn't it awesome?

Gila Monster or Iguana?

Here is a picture of the previously blogged-about Gila Monster. Thank goodness for zoom lenses and photo cropping. It is rare to see one out in the open like that, so I guess we were "lucky." Click on the picture if you want to see it a little closer up.

Things Heard On Vacation So Far...

Jamison came out of the hotel bathroom holding a bar of soap and asked, "how do I use this?" After laughing my head off, I realized that he's never used it, as I am strictly a soft soap/shower gel kind of gal. I hate the goopy stuff bar soap leaves behind. Plus, I don't like the thought of rubbing something all over myself that someone else has rubbed all over THEMSELVES.

After visiting two different friends whose children both own geckos, Jessica went hard on the campaign trail. After explaining that it was probably too cold in Utah to keep a gecko, she said, "Well, you're always saying you want to move back to Tucson. So how 'bout it?"

To give some background, last year, we went to Fiji. We always talk about how the nicest people we've ever met live in Fiji. Today, we popped in on an old college friend of mine, and after leaving his office, Jamison said, "That guy was really nice. Is he from Fiji?"