Wednesday, August 1, 2012

My New Job... One Day

So if I haven't mentioned it before, I kind of have a thing for sea turtles (and giant tortoises). Crush and Squirt from "Finding Nemo" always do my heart good. When I was in Hawaii last week, I finally got to see some sea turtles up close and personal. I'm pretty sure I took well over 60 pictures of the first one I saw, swimming in a shallow lagoon. And delusional as this may sound, I was really tempted to jump on its back and go surfing... you know... like riding a unicorn over a rainbow.

Fortunately, I had my zoom lens, because the problem was (besides being physically impossible) that there were two women on the beach whose sole purpose in being there was to keep people a minimum of 6 feet away from the sea turtle. They were very official looking with their matching rash guards and lanyards. If you've ever seen an episode of "Arrested Development," they were kind of like the prison guards who yell, "NO TOUCHING!" every time  Michael Bluth tries to hug his dad.

And then it dawned on me. THIS is my dream job: to be a sea turtle body guard. I'm sure it pays slightly less than I'm making now, which is almost zero, and I realize that the cost of living in Hawaii is quite high compared to the main land. So I've got some numbers to crunch. But can you imagine the fun I could have, yelling at tourists to stay back? I've taught kindergarten, and tourists are kind of like kindergarteners, so I've got experience.  I'm thinking I'd need to get some dark shades and an ear piece.

I'll tell you one thing, those sea turtles would be safe with me. They'd know I've got their backs. And if I'm lucky, just maybe, one of them will give me a ride on his back.

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